The episode begins with Archer in the shower when the artificial gravity quits. Wackiness and an artful display of clever camera angles ensue.

After the credits, it’s breakfast time. T’Pol is ladling out a bowl of Vulcan Breakfast Broth (continuity from last episode) while Phlox chides her for not being adventurous enough to eat the human food laid out on the buffet for everyone else. “I sampled human food on several occasions. It didn’t agree with me.” Phlox encourages her to try it again anyway, in hopes that she’ll get used to it. She goes over to the drinks dispenser and orders a glass of fizzy water. What comes out is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike fizzy water.

In Engineering, Trip is fielding multiple malfunction reports. Archer shows up to check on his progress. I’m thinking that shower thing made this a personal issue for him. “We know it’s got something to do with the plasma exhaust,” Trip explains to Archer. “The flow’s been restricted for some reason and it’s screwing up half the systems on the ship.” Hmm. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to run the toilets and vending machines through the warp core after all. Despite the effects of the mystery problem on the warp engines, Trip thinks he can fix whatever is wrong without coming out of warp. That is, until a panel blows open, fire billowing forth, right next to captain. As Archer puts out the fire with a handy extinguisher, Trip calls the bridge. “It might be a good idea to drop out of warp.” WAH Wah wah waaaah.

Up on the bridge, T’Pol spots the problem, which she explains to Reed, Archer, and Trip around the display table at the back of the bridge. “Something’s distorting our wake pattern,” she says, doing a game show model hand wave over the image on the screen. Something has hosed their warp field, which has corked the plasma exhaust like a potato in a tail pipe. Don’t ask me; I only write what I see. They discuss, and conclude that nothing on board ship could be causing it. Archer asks Reed what negative effects igniting the plasma exhaust would have on the ship. “If we polarize the hull plating, it should be all right, as long as we maintain half impulse.” Archer orders the protection and the speed, gets all the sensors looking backwards, and has Reed fire a torpedo to explode behind them. There’s a big blue cloud of an explosion, which didn’t seem to accomplish much. Archer then runs the tape back and forth, trying to spot details of interest. I have no idea what that might be like. Eventually, he spots the silhouette of an invisible ship. Trip comments, “Looks like we got ourselves a hitchhiker.” T’Pol analyzes, “They must be using some sort of stealth technology.” Hoshi ponders, “I wonder how long they’ve been there.” Archer cuts through the crap, “Long enough to throw half our systems out of whack.” How often do you hear about things being “in whack?”

Archer has Hoshi hail the other ship. Only the audio is working. Archer tells them to back off. Hoshi’s translator converts their reply from alien gibberish to English in five passes. “We are complying with your request. We ask you not to harm us.” Having worked out those 13 words, the translator is now fully fluent in the aliens’ language. “I wouldn’t mind an explanation,” Archer requests. The alien on the other end of the phone explains that their engine is busted, and they’ve been surfing the Enterprise’s wake while they tried to fix it. T’Pol’s sensors confirm that the other ship is broken. Archer asks the aliens to de-stealth (de-cloak sounds better, but it isn’t being called a cloaking device yet), which they do.

In sickbay, Phlox shoots Trip up with some drug that “should shorten the decompression process by half.” It seems Trip is going to go over to the alien ship and try to fix the engine of the so very much more advanced ship than the Enterprise. Naturally, since he’s better qualified to do the work than the actual alien engineers on board. “Three hours of decompression each direction, it makes more sense to stay until the job’s done,” is Archer’s explanation why Trip won’t be coming home every night. I’m going to be generous and assume they’re using the word “decompression” as shorthand for whatever process Trip has to go through to enter and leave the alien ship. If it were actually a pressure change, he would need to compress one direction and decompress coming back. And as long as it’s a gaseous atmosphere at a temperature humans can survive, the pressure difference can’t be that much anyway. Whatever. It’s just an excuse for Trip to stay on the other ship long enough to get knocked up anyway. I’ll give them credit for using the idea that not every species exists under the same ideal conditions. Then, there’s the food question. T’Pol explains, “They claim to have the ability to synthesize protein and carbohydrates. But there’s no telling what it may taste like. Try to be…diplomatic.” As a final bit of advice, Archer tells him, “Remember to mind your manners.” Oh, the foreshadowing, (a sign of great literature).

The shuttle pod approaches the alien ship, and docks. The pilot, Mayweather, reminds us that no one has seen the aliens yet because of the comm system problems. Trip reports to Archer that he is ready to board the other ship, then heads out the shuttle’s top hatch. Once Trip is sealed inside, Mayweather heads back to Enterprise. Trip is inside a copper cylinder about four feet across. As he calls out, “Hello?” a white gas is released into the chamber. Trip starts to panic and cough. A voice tells him, “Try to maintain your normal rate of respiration.” Which turns out not to be so easy when you’re being gassed in a small chamber on an alien spacecraft. “The discomfort will subside,” the voice assures him.

A couple of hours pass over the course of a commercial break. As Archer prepares lunch for Porthos the wonder dog, T’Pol interrupts him with an anxious call from Tucker, who has apparently forgotten his watch, and has therefore been calling Archer every five minutes. “How long’s it been, sir?” He’s not enjoying the “decompression” process, although his discomfort from before the break has subsided. The voice didn’t lie. Not the least bit concerned that anything harmful might be happening to his crewman, Archer tells Trip, “Be patient,” and cuts off communication to play with his dog.

Trip is watching lights flash on a display board inside the gas chamber. He recites color and number of flashes, until they speed up to a rate faster than he can follow. When he stops playing their little game, a door opens and he enters the main body of the ship. It’s got flashing lights, weird angles, and aliens walking around in it. Trip’s tripping. He’s seeing everything in slow motion at Batman-cam angles. They offer him food and rest, both of which he refuses. “I think…I’d like to take a look at that engine room of yours.” A female alien in a shiny silver catsuit leads Trip across the room. Along the way, he sees one of the aliens pass his hand over some contraption, sparks jumping between it and his hand. They pass windows beyond which is a tank full of giant eels swimming around in some transparent liquid. I would say water, but I’ve seen a later scene.

In the engine room, Trip and the alien babe are under the warp core giving it an oil change. Trip is still disoriented by the flashing lights and weird noises. She tries to show him the problem with the engine. “I’m sorry. You lost me. I’m having trouble concentrating.” She asks him if he’d like to take a rest after all.

On the Enterprise, Archer is enjoying a good book when Trip calls. “I don’t think I’m gonna be much help over here. I’m having a little more trouble adjusting than I thought I would.” Archer leaves Trip hanging and contacts the alien ship’s captain, who explains to Archer that Trip needs to rest to finish acclimating. “I strongly suggest he lie down for a while.” Archer believes the alien and orders Trip to take a nap. “Just one hour. If you’re not feeling better we’ll bring you back.” Trip doesn’t think it will help. The alien babe offers to show him to his sleeping quarters. Bucka-chicka-wow.

Trip wakes up some time later in a 60’s-style ergo-bed to the sound of ocean waves and the sight of the alien babe standing over him. I’ve had worse mornings. Every day of my life. “Your captain sent over the recording.” Trip asks about the stuff growing on the walls. “Our food. It grows all over the ship.” They must be a race of grazers. She offers Trip a bowl filled with clear, smooth stones. “This is the closest we could come to water,” she says. We call it, “Ice”. She puts the bowl down on Trip’s area and pops a water-rock into his mouth. He is not displeased. With the second one, sparks fly between Trip and the alien. Literally, they jump from her hand to his lips. “Did that hurt?’ she asks. “It’s kinda nice,” he replies. With each chunk of water she feeds him, she lets the sparks linger longer. Eventually, she decides it is time to get back to work on the engine. Pointing at the bowl of water-rocks, Trip asks, “Can we take some of those with us?”

T’Pol is on the Enterprise bridge, running down a checklist with Trip by radio. He keeps injecting fun factoids about the aliens and their ship. “They’ve got grass growing on the floor. Real grass. It’s even green.” She’s not having any of it. The engine is almost repaired. Archer observes that Trip sounds better, and Mayweather responds, “Before you know it, he’ll have that engine room running like a well-oiled machine.” Isn’t it a well-oiled machine already? The moving parts, anyway? The alien babe, whom I suppose I should have mentioned is an alien engineer babe, tells Trip, “It will take a while for the coils to regenerate. Come with me.” Only if we time it right. Sorry. I’ve been wanting to use that joke ever since I first heard it in 1982.

Trip and the alien babe enter an iridescent room. She walks over to a wall and picks up a remote control. She tells Trip, “Watch this,” and pushes some buttons. The room disappears and is replaced with an alien landscape. “This is Thera, where I come from.” Trip is suitably impressed. “It’s not like any hologram I’ve ever seen.” She scoops up some of the holographic dirt and pours it through his hands. Trip asks how it is possible. She explains, “Re-sequenced photons.” Oh, magic. Makes about as much sense. She points off into the virtual distance. “Come with me.” Again, so soon? After a short walk, she changes the scene to a rowboat on a calm lake somewhere. Trip is still impressed. “If we had one of these on Enterprise, I’d never ask for shore leave.” She asks him a couple, “You aliens are strange,” questions. She touches his cheek to feel his stubble, giving him a facial joy buzzer in the process. He likes it. In the race to see who can score with an alien chick first, Trip pulls into the lead previously held by Archer. She uses the remote to create a box full of white pebbles. “More water?” Trip asks. She tells him, “This is a game we play,” and sticks one hand into the pebbles. They and her arm start to glow. Trip follows suit, and before long they each have both hands in the mix, all purple and glowy. “Your favorite food is ‘cat fish’,” she announces, to Trip’s surprise. “What’s mine?” When he discovers he knows, she is pleased. “I wasn’t certain the granules would work with your species.” That’s not all that works with his species. They flirt until another voice breaks in. “Reactor room to A’Lenn.” Once again, like last week, no names until absolutely necessary. It’s time for them to go back to work. A’Lenn turns off the room.

Trip boards the shuttle back to the Enterprise, ready to tell some stories. Mayweather asks, “What are the Zerillians like?” “Oh, a little shorter than us, weird scales on their faces, but otherwise pretty much like you and me.” The Roddenberry Alien Design Policy, ladies and gents. Trip’s glad he went, but just as glad to be coming back.

On the bridge, the Zerillians are on the main screen thanking Archer for the help and apologizing for delaying the Enterprise’s mission. Hoshi got the video fixed. “Getting a chance to meet other species is our mission,” Archer assures them. Trip arrives on the bridge, and the aliens thank him, too, for all the trouble he went through. “It was worth every minute,” he tells them. The aliens warp away. Feeling all self-congratulatory, our heroes head off back where they were going before all this started.

Another morning, and Trip is in the galley scarfing down about five scrambled eggs as Reed sits down at his table. Reed is interested in the hologram room, which Trip goes on about. “If we had one of those on board, I can only imagine what it would be used for,” Reed observes, keenly aware of the human capacity to turn anything it gets its hands on into a sex toy given half a chance. Trip catches his drift. “I don’t know if they can recreate people with it, but it sure did a hell of a job on landscapes.” Reed then asks if Trip made any friends, and tries to turn that into a sex thing too. If the Internet rumors about Reed being gay are true, he’s deep in the closet, back with the old report cards and shoes from the Age of Disco. Trip’s wrist itches, and as he scratches it, he notices a little bump on it. Reed asks if Trip might be allergic to something, and suggests he have Dr. Phlox take a look.

“I don’t believe you’re having an allergic reaction,” Phlox tells Trip as he examines the wrist-bump. “Did your trip to the Zerillian ship involve any…romance?” Trip denies touching anything that didn’t generate a warp field, but Phlox knows biology doesn’t lie. Indicating the bump on Trip’s wrist, Phlox tells Trip, “This is a nipple.” He scans Trip and locates the embryo. “I‘m not quite sure if congratulations are in order, Commander, but you’re pregnant.” The look of puzzled disbelief on Trip’s face is a sight to behold.

Trip comes sliding out of the wall-mounted MRI machine to face Archer, Phlox, and T’Pol. Phlox points out the little bundle of joy on the scanner screen. “I assume you’ll be happy to know it is not, technically, your child.” It turns out Zerillians only pass along their mother’s genetic info to their young. The men are just incubators. Makes me wonder where the next generation of Zerillian men come from. Trip wants to know, “How the hell’d I get knocked up?” Phlox doesn’t know enough about Zerillian sex, “but I wouldn’t think it would be that difficult for you to recollect a…sexual encounter.” Trip vehemently denies screwing anything besides threaded fasteners. “I was a complete gentlemen the entire time.” T’Pol disapproves of Trip’s presumed behavior. I think she’s jealous. No, wait. That’s an emotion. Discussing A’Lenn, Trip claims, “I didn’t lay a hand on her.” He seems to have forgotten the sparky hands that got laid on him. Trip asks Phlox if there’s any way to remove the little bastard without hurting it. Phlox makes an impossible biological claim that translates as “Tough noogies.” Somehow, taking it out without worrying about hurting it never came up. Considering Trip’s ride in the holographic chamber to see A’Lenn’s home planet, T’Pol suggests, “Perhaps the next step would have been to meet her holographic parents. If I’m not mistaken, on some planets that’s a precursor to marriage.” Archer does all he can not to crack up when she says this. Who says Vulcans don’t have a sense of humor? Finally, Trip remembers the box of holographic telepathy pebbles. Phlox speculates wildly that maybe that had something to do with it. I’ve heard of the holodeck safety protocols going offline, but that’s ridiculous. T’Pol chides, “One of the first things a diplomat learns is not to stick his fingers where they don’t belong.” Archer orders T’Pol to track down the Zerillians to see if they can fix the trouble Trip’s gotten himself into. Trip is cleared to return to duty, but only if he sees Phlox once a day, because, “That nipple may not be the only surprise your body has in store for you.” Archer’s self-restraint is amazing. I know he’s going to leave sickbay, go back to his quarters, and gut-laugh until his kidneys shoot out his nose. Trip asks if his delicate condition can be kept among the four of them. “Of course,” Archer agrees, meaning, “Of course, until I can transmit a letter to the Reader’s Digest people.”

In Engineering, Trip is getting all maternal. As he’s getting off the little one-man person lifter, he notices that the guardrail around the shaft would offer no protection to “a short alien, a child.” He points this out to a passing subordinate, who has no idea what his boss is going on about. Trip also notices that if someone inside the elevator had his hands on the handrail, “it’ll take your fingers right off.” This is a real safety concern, the kind of thing I’m surprised the set designers got away with, but Engineer Lackey just doesn’t get it. Trip realizes how weird he just got and tells the other guy, “Never mind.”

It’s eight days later, and still no sign of the Zerillians. Trip, in his civvies (untucked shirt pulling duty as a maternity dress), walks through the galley on his way to the captain’s mess. He looks over the gathered crewmen and, in his shame over his love child, paranoidly (is that a word?) believes they are all talking about him. He enters the captain’s mess, where Archer and Phlox are already eating. I thought T’Pol ate with the captain. Maybe she and Phlox alternate, since there doesn’t seem to be a fourth chair at the table. “I thought we all promised to keep this under wraps,” Trip says by way of a question. When the other two deny saying anything, Trip concludes T’Pol must have told. “She probably let it slip the minute she left sickbay.” Phlox reminds Trip she also promised to keep the secret. “Where I’m from, Vulcans aren’t known for keeping promises.” I’m starting to think there’s more to his anti-Vulcanism than the usual dislike and distrust all humans have. Either that or it’s the only character trait they’ve nailed down for him yet. As Trip is laying claim to an entire pan of chicken tetrazini, Archer notices a bandage on Trip’s wrist. “Did you cut yourself?” Trip has put a bandage on his wrist to cover both the nipple from the earlier scene and a new one, complete with areola. “Just how many of these am I gonna grow, and, while we’re on the subject, are they gonna go away afterward?” Phlox, speaking from a confident ignorance, assures Trip that they probably ought to go away, eventually, at some point, maybe. When Archer points out that maybe they won’t be able to find the Zerillians, Trip takes the first logical step. “Are you saying I’m gonna deliver this baby?” Phlox nudges him to take the second step. “Once the child is born, it may well rely on you, in some way, to care for it.” He hasn’t gotten it yet. “I never had any intention of becoming a working mother.” As Archer suffers the torment of laughter contained, Phlox tells Trip he can expect various changes over the next five weeks, “hormonal changes, mostly.” Archer suggests Trip stick with the civvies “to help hide the bulge.” Trip, having inhaled his food, calls in the steward to bring him another serving. Archer orders Trip to start seeing the doctor every eight hours so he can “start figuring out what your post-natal responsibilities might be.” Trip finally lifts his metaphorical foot to take that second step when Phlox pushes him over. “You may very well be putting those nipples to work before you know it.” Of course, this is the exact moment the steward returns with Trip’s second helping. Trip yanks the food from his hand, and the poor guy staggers away, uncomprehending, but determined to become an officer one day. Archer tells Trip to look at the bright side. “This is the first interspecies pregnancy involving a…human.” Trip is not brightened.

Meanwhile, on the bridge, Reed spots the Zerillians with the sensors. T’Pol orders the course change and informs the captain. Oh, there she is. Now I wonder who drives the ship on the nights when she eats with Archer. Trip, hearing the announcement, is suitably relieved. Looking toward Heaven, or up anyway, he gushes, “Thank you!” They rush out of the mess toward the bridge, Trip grabbing a handful of breadsticks on the way.

They arrive at the location their sensors say the Zerillian ship is, but instead they discover a ship their Vulcan database tells them is a Klingon battlecruiser. It has the design of the original series ships, but the detail of modern special effects. It looks good. Bigger than I thought, too.

T’Pol has a theory, which she uses as an opportunity to insult Trip. “It appears your repairs didn’t last very long. If I’m correct, they’re hiding in the Klingons’ plasma wake.” I also have a theory. The Zerillians go around getting aliens to come on board by pretending to be disabled, then impregnate them with their demonic seed and send them away to spread their malefic influence across the galaxy. My other theory is that Zerillians are sluts with a bad quality control department in their space program. Archer decides he has to deal with the Klingons in order to get in touch with the Zerillians. He hails them, and they start firing photon torpedoes. Typical. While T’Pol convinces Archer that that’s just the Klingon way of saying “Howdy,” Trip scans the Klingons. “Sir, look at their starboard nacelle. The power’s fluctuating just like ours did.” Looks like the Klingons have a nasty case of Zerillian barnacles.

The Klingons finally respond. “What gives you the right to approach a Klingon warship?” It’s a good mixture of threatening and prideful. Very in character. Archer starts by apologizing. Rookie mistake. He asks them, “Have you been experiencing any unusual malfunctions? The Klingon assumes Enterprise has been following them. Archer digs the hole deeper by explaining, “Your problems are being caused by a small stealth vessel that’s been riding in your wake.” Good going, Archie. The Klingons do the same ignite-the-plasma trick and catch the Zerillians in a tractor beam. “Bring their captain to me, and execute the others,” orders the Klingon-in-charge. Apparently, plasma-surfing in an invisible ship and making a Klingon ship veer right in the process is an act of war against Klingons. Of course, surrendering while lying face down in the blood of your own family is an act of war against a Klingon. Archer tries to convince the Klingons not to kill anybody, and gets nowhere at warp 6. T’Pol steps forward. “Less than one month ago, Captain Archer stood in the High Council Chamber in Kronos.” She summarizes the pilot episode at them, ending by basically saying, “You owe him one.” That gets them thinking. Trip throws in a bribe. “They have some amazing technology. If you don’t kill ‘em I’m sure they’d share it with you.” Or you can kill them, take the ship, and retro-engineer it yourselves. Trip specifically recommends the holodeck tech. The Klingons are intrigued. “If you agree to enter their vessel, I’d appreciate it if you took my chief engineer with you,” Archer requests. They aren’t that intrigued. Captain Klingon sees no benefit to himself in taking Trip along. Archer and Trip try to explain why Trip needs to go to the Zerillian ship without revealing the bun in Trip’s oven, but eventually, they have no choice. “Show him,” Archer orders. Trip raises his shirt to show the bulge to the Klingons. They laugh. That’s good, right?

Must be. The next scene starts with two Klingons and Trip stepping out of the “decompression” chamber. Trip explains to the Zerillian captain. “[The Klingons have] agreed to consider releasing your ship in exchange for one or two of your holographic simulators. It would be a good idea to cooperate.” One Klingon holds up a data chip thingy. “This is a topographical survey of our capital.” The Zerillian takes the Klingons off to demonstrate the holodeck, leaving Trip with A’Lenn. She claims the reactor broke after six days. I still say they wanted to sow their dark seed in the Klingons. She asks Trip why the Enterprise tracked them down, and he shows her the baby bulge. She acts surprised. “I had no idea this could happen with another species.” So, she admits tricking Trip into having alien sex with her. “I would be real appreciative if you could get this out of me. Assuming it’s safe.” She points her TV remote at it and declares, “It’s still early enough to transfer the embryo to another host.” Oh, and it’s a girl.

The Klingons are impressed with the holographic representation of their homeworld. “I can see my house from here.” Oh, my God, I laughed and laughed. The Klingons get a holodeck and agree to release the Zerillians. But don’t think that means the Klingons are going to be all buddy-buddy now. “Listen carefully to me,” the Klingon captain tells Archer. “Our debt is repaid. We have no interest in meeting you again. And if we do, I promise you’ll regret it.”

Denouement: Archer, Trip, and T’Pol are eating dinner. Trip is good-naturedly griping about decompressing with the Klingons. “I smelled things in there I hope I never smell again.” Archer, without prompting, tells Trip that the Zerillians will get home in a month under their own power rather than risking hitching with anyone else. He then asks T’Pol if all the nice things she said about him when she was talking to the Klingons are true. “Klingons are known to exaggerate. I saw nothing wrong with doing the same,” she tells him, bursting is ego-bubble. Then, not having made enough people feel bad that day, she tells Trip, “You might be pleased to know that this is the first recorded incident of a human male becoming pregnant.” “Just how I always wanted to get into the history books.”