Not having anything of import to discuss, I have taken it upon myself to produce a list of facts about my state of being. There's a rest area halfway down, with facilities and snack machines.

I live in Huntsville, Alabama.

I was born on May 12, 1971, at 8:51 PM, in New Albany, Indiana, for you astrologers out there.

I would just as soon never acknowledge my birthday. It's too much like counting down to death. And I never get good gifts.

I am male and heterosexual. I wasn't going to mention it, but then I remembered that on the net you can't assume anything.

I am a mechanical engineer.

I chose my profession because it seemed the best route to the exciting career of mad science.

Instead, I am a civil servant and make my living naming the parts of a toilet.

I have less than total job satisfaction.

I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. This is not a moral stance. I just don't want to screw around with my brain. If you do, knock yourself out. Respect my position as much as I respect yours. If it were a moral stance, you wouldn't push me about it.

I am, however, a caffeine fiend. Soda, not coffee.

I do enjoy the smell of coffee.

I also enjoy the smell of a just-lit cigarette. Especially if a match was used to light it. Reminds me of kid-dom.

I am and have always been unmarried.

I have no children.

I have had one long-term relationship in my life, which ended when she cheated on me, then broke up with me.

I have no tolerance for infidelity, and cannot understand why so many people refuse to control themselves.

I can walk across the top of a well-constructed chain-link fence.

I have every episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Babylon 5 on video tape. Including all the movies.

I own a travel chess set I never play with, a ceramic skull named Herman, and a framed print of Dogs Playing Poker #5. The frame cost more than the picture.

I believe the personal jet pack is physically possible, but too prone to lawsuit ever to get off the ground, so to speak.

I believe it is a statistical certainty that life exists elsewhere in the universe. This says nothing about proximity.

I took a good, hard look at magic while I was in college, from Wicca to Crowleyism, astrology to I Ching. I even attended a Halloween sabbat.

I decided magic is, at best, rationalization and wishful thinking. However, the practitioners are nice people with a delightful tendency to get naked, so I don't begrudge them the belief system of their choice.

I have yet to discover any religion/belief system that can hold up to logical scrutiny. Each one claims this fact as proof of its truth. Excuse me, Truth.

In those times when I do find the need to consider a reality greater than this one, I fall back on the God/Heaven and Devil/Hell model ingrained in me before I could think critically. Assuming that's what I'm doing now.

I only allow myself that luxury after midnight.

Every once in a while, at night, I like to go outside, preferably somewhere flat and wide open, and stare upward into the naked face of infinity, visualizing myself as a speck on a sphere floating through a vast sea of nothing, at the mercy of forces I have no chance to control or influence. For best effect, it should be cold and windy. This is not depressing.

I think it takes strength of character to be able to face the universe like that, with no support system, no comfort zone, and tell the whole of existence to go fuck itself.

I visited Arlington National Cemetery in 1998. Out of all the acres of tombstones in that place, the one that choked me up was the monument to the USS Maine. Not because of all the men who died on it, but because the ship died, and the United States felt compelled to honor it.

I believe that machines are, to greater or lesser extent, alive, and that they want to perform the tasks for which they were designed. All men believe this. It's why we call ships "she" and yell at our cars.

I suppose everyone needs to believe in something. I just think they shouldn't let it affect their reasoning.

I can shoot anything that emits bullets, with a better than average chance of hitting a man-sized target anywhere within the effective range of the weapon.

I am not the best shot in my family. I suspect I'm the worst.

I can identify most popular songs from the beginning of the rock era to 1990 within 5 seconds. Give me another five and I'll tell you who sang it and take a fair stab at the year.

I used to think I knew every TV theme song in existence, until my college roommate stumped me with "The Partridge Family." Bastard.

I once worked out every possible move in Tic-Tac-Toe. If I went first, I knew whether I would win or draw as soon as the other guy made his first move. I could not lose. This had no practical application.

I have never left the continental United States. I don't like the idea of not understanding the language. This severely limits my travel options.

I have been in these states: Alabama, Georgia, Florida, North and South Carolina, West and Classic Virginia, Maryland, Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana, New Jersay, Delaware, Texas, Louisiana, California, Minnesota, Mississippi, Arkansas, Ohio. Louisiana was an airport plane change, so I don't think it counts. Delaware shouldn't count, just on general principles.

I like to travel. I mean the actual traverse from point A to point B. Planes, trains, automobiles, boats. I enjoy being on the move.

I have insomnia and can easily stay up until two or three in the morning. Or I may just be a night person. I know I'm not a morning person.

I can't dance. Well, I can if I know the steps. But dances with steps are not what most people think of as dancing these days. So don't even ask unless you want to do the Karamushka. Or the Time Warp.

I like to cook, but I have an unsophisticated palette. And I usually don't have that kind of time. I briefly considered chucking it all and going to chef school.

My IQ is too high to be accurately measured with conventional tests. I know I'm not supposed to brag about it, but I'm running out of things to say about myself.

I either bore easily or lock onto something and focus on it for days at a time before getting bored. This is why I have half a dozen rotating hobbies.

I don't like to interrupt. This is the underpinning of my entire personality. What right do I have to change whatever was about to happen to you if I hadn't come along? To understand me, apply this principle liberally.

I wear glasses. I don't want to wear contact lenses. I tried poking myself in the eye once. I didn't enjoy it.

I think that's all the random useless facts about myself I can manage just now.