Let's see, what immortal words of wisdom can I pass along tonight to the three/four people who actually read this blog?

If I had six months to live, assuming a total lack of symptoms until the day I snuff it (you know, braincloud), I would sell everything I own and go on a trip. That's not exactly true. First, I would invite Mom and da brudders over to my place and let them bid on my stuff. Give 'em each 100,000 DaveBucks and one day to poke around. The next day, trucks arrive, one for each of them. Anything with only one bidder, that person gets it. Otherwise, high bidder takes it. They can work out other arrangements among themselves if there's any wheelin' and dealin' to be done. Everything gets loaded on trucks and hauled off.

Everything else I can't carry with me past Customs gets sold for whatever I can get. I'd try to hire a cute nurse to come along and take care of me in return for the free trip, but if that didn't work out, no big loss. I'd ride a train across these here United States, hitting as many states as feasible even if that means a side trip or two along the way. Try to find that tree you used to be able to drive through. See the Grand Canyon. Next, I'd head to Australia by ship. Get as close to Ayer's Rock as allowed and stare at the Southern Cross all night until the dingoes attack. Stand inside the Sydney Opera House, take a couple days to learn SCUBA and swim the Great Barrier Reef, find out what there is to do in New Zealand and go do it. See if there's a daytrip cruise to Antarctica.

Then a plane to Greece, I think. Climb the Acropolis and claim the Parthenon for Spain. Get sick on ouzo and hurl into the Aegean Sea. Go see that island that may have been Atlantis before it exploded. Then scooch over to Italy to see Rome, pass through Naples for irony's sake, and at some point find my way onto the TransEuropean Railway System. Hit as many countries as I can. End up going under the English Channel through the Chunnel, and after taking my best guess at the final resting place of Robin Hood, seeing Stonehenge, and stealing a stone out of Hadrian's Wall, hop over to Ireland. Fall madly in love with an Irish lass who won't give me the time of day. Tell everyone my name is Sean Thornton and see how many of them get it. Then back to Britain to see what color the cliffs of Dover are these days, and back over the Channel, by boat this time.

I'd have to get down to southern Spain to see the Straits of Gibraltar. Stop by Madrid to tell them I claimed the Acropolis for them. Then somehow make my way to Egypt. Mode of transport depends on how much time is left. Can't do the whirlwind grand tour without seeing the only remaining wonder of the ancient world. I suppose it makes more sense to stop here on the way to Greece, but I'd be a sick man, so give me a break.

Next, it's either a boat across the equatorial Atlantic or flying the polar route over Greenland. Flying, I think. I want to tour New England by car. And maybe some of Canada. I want to fly over New York City but not actually set foot in it. In movies, it always looks prettier by air. Maybe somewhere around Chesapeake Bay, catch another boat headed around South America the long way. I figure my time would come somewhen around then.

Boy, would the credit card people be pissed.